"to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love"

i just needed to comment. a'int it a beautiful crazy day?! the suns so warm! so good! 

 

"What a glorious day...."  -David Crowder Band ... and about a million other people. lol.

embarassing moment of the week:  

 

walking to the bus stop on my lunch yesterday... this girl shouts out.."hey aaron" and is waving profuesely...at first i ignore cuz i really don't know her... then she smiles and yells.."aaron aaron! hi!"... so i stop and i'm like. "how's it going?" she's like "good. how are you?"... i'm like "not too bad, um..where do i know u from?".. she's like.."i don't know you"... i'm like ????? in my brain how do u know my name and why are u standing here talking to me....  she then says.."i was waving at my friend KAREN"... i was like oooo awk-ward....... "oh. crap. my name's aaron. haha (gulp).. nice to meet you both have a good day"... "(giggle giggle) nice to meet you have a good day too." where i proceeded on my way to their laughter and i looked around for a rock to hide under.  it is embarassing...but so funny.  another smooth moment. hahaha......

 

So this week has been a trying week for me.  I've written a lot and i've addressed a lot, but i know i haven't fully addressed what's been on my mind.  It's funny.  Despite that super long blog a few days ago... that situation is just stupid and tiny compared to this past week.  

 

Death  - something that for the longest time i've had the most difficulty dealing with.. dealing with my grandma's, angelas, Dels, liz's, my grandfather's death...that's been the burden i used to carry on me and some of you (especically tuong) know it more so than others... as some of you know my little bros friend passed last thursday of leukemia-age 22.  Monday started off with news from my co-worker that she had gone to wake her daughter on Saturday morning and her daughter did not wake up-age 6.  As the day progressed it came across that another co-worker was involved in a big car accident..was in the hospital and his bestfriend had passed-age 29.  It's something that we never want to talk about, or don't know how to address.  It's something that numbs us when it happens and makes us realize how short it really is... we look for answers but we can't find them, especially when it's the young that past.  The craziest part is, there is no answer to the why's, it just happens.  And you have all the guilt, that it a'int you... or that you were more deserving of going... the selfishness that your the one without your best friend or grandmother, why were they taken... the confusion and frustration of just not understanding and trying to figure it all out...but somewhere after a long time of not dealing or trying to understand i figured out that trying to find an answer for it all, makes you stop living.

Life - we only got one shot on this earth. and our time here isn't a long time in the big picture... even the bible says we are just a mist in the wind in James, in the grand scheme of things.  Often times when tragedy happens whether personal (a death of a loved one) or global (9-11), we start to value life even more.  The sad part is as time goes on we forget so easily how important it is to value life and the relationships we have.  To brush off the small stuff that happens between people and really love selflessly for one another.  We live in a society that more often than not we look out for our own interests and our own desires, not to say we don't do stuff to benefit society, but most of the time it gots to fit in with our lives.  I a'int saying i'm absolved at this, damn i'm just as guilty as anyone.  I honestly don't really know what i'm saying in this blog.. i guess i'm just typing out thoughts in my head.  Jesus said that Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul, that was the greatest commandment... the second was to love your neighbour... that neighbour a'int just someone living in your own social class or someone who fits in your box.  That neighbour is the person who you pass by everyday sitting on the corner.  I guess this week i just been noticing how many lonely people there are in this city, just with the clients at my work... there's one man who comes in and he hitchhikes in, he's a former supreme court judge.. .but dudes so lost since his wife passed.  he's rich monetarily, but he searches through garbage cans.. i'm sure he's looking for something. Life is not meant to be lived alone... i guess i wanna say that i really do appreciate my friends and loved ones, i maybe don't say it... a lot of people show me love everyday and i appreciate it, i've felt it everytime i get an encouraging message or some of you that check on me.  I guess if you got friends or family you think you haven't shown love to in awhile..appreciate them now.  Life's too short to hang on to the petty... Life's too short not to live it.

 

 

Take me under, never yo... i got way to many people who got my back to let me, thanks to everyone who's been an encouragement. Alright i'm out it's late and i gotta work and off to t.dot tommorow. peace and love y'all.

Quote of the day: "The soul tastes truth like the tongue tastes food. Spiritual hunger cries out for rich, substantial nourishment" -back cover of Taste and See by John Piper.

 

this day don't want to seem to end. man i can't believe i have to do these courses at work.  we did them like a year ago and they postponed the launch for the new system... well now we have to redo the courses again. which sucks. i gotta get like 5 more modules done by monday. i wonder what will happen if i don't. hahaha fire me? lol. i'll be out of town this weekend so i don't think there's a chance that i'll actually get it done if i don't get it done tonight. haha oh well. it a'int school and i don't plan to stay beyond the summer so what can i do. oh btw if anyone gots a short term job lead or contract lead like till end of august let me know. 

short post.  i'm sleepy and just woke up from a two hour nap before bed time. lol.  yah just call me Dagwood Bumstead.

 

so the last few days has been sunshine galore. it's been good..when i get off work lol.  a good friend rescued me from my 'office space' life at lunch and was able to get me to go for a walk and enjoy the weather today, and skip a little bit of work this afternoon. props to you it's always nice.

 

gonna write about blessings.. yah something i been thinking about.  so yo i'm out for now...

 

shalom shalom. (that goes out to you all as well as the title of the blessings blog.. it's hebrew if u didn't know... like my name *not silQ my real name lol)

 

 

[Chorus]
Life is driving me crazy
Everything ain't all gravy
If it ain't one thing it's another
Why me I believe in karma
So I know that answer is coming back on me

Life is driving me crazy
Everything ain't all gravy
If it ain't one thing it's another
Why me I believe in karma
So I know that answer is coming back on me

If the devil wasn't alive Mack would be stressed
Riding around town in a bulletproof vest
Police everywhere armour cars and shhhhh
Worried about being another victim of a hit
But my relationship too strong for real I'm a saint
A child of God and if you hate me then you ain't
Be the only G I know to take it all with no triggers
So I put my faith in him and never no niggers
As a result of that I'm cool seem like I'm never nervous
So catch me Sunday mornings in that 8:30 service
Told me ride with me son and I'll never leave you lonely
Yeah troubles for a reason cause now you got a testimony

[Chorus]

Most people get outrageous when they hit they knees
But I'm a thank you for the simple things the grass and the trees
I'm grateful for everything my fame and good wealth
I'm blessed with good money but most of all with good health
God if they dont think im sincere they dont know me never knew me
And I tear up every time I think how good you been to me
I should of lost a few times and walked away without any pay
But I got favoured with you and you gave it to me anyway
So when you blind in a situation believe he can show you
And if you ever need a hug then just believe he can hold you
So turn to the Lord for he's the best to consult you
And that's the realest thing that Mack 10 ever told you

[Chorus]

Thank you for letting me conquer my enemies and they plots
And thank you for letting my momma survive the 5 shots
It was up close and personal a lot for a kid to see
All the stuff I been through how could I not be a G
I know he got a purpose for me it ain't no if ands or maybes
God in case I never told you I want to thank you for my babies
Although I'm a gangster rapper I'm pretty smart and well rounded
I never sell my soul and I promise to stay grounded
He said all you got to do is just speak it and believe it
And everything I prayed for I eventually receive it
While the devil work overtime the suckers stay doubting you
I'm aware of all my blessings and I know I'm nothing without you

[Chorus]

Thats gangsta, with a capital G yo.
 

 

So i need to address something.  Firstly... recently some people have decided to talk about my recent break up with Jen.  Look if you don't know our decision as to why and how we came abouts going out and how we came about breaking up... the mouth should remain shut.  Saying stuff about me to her really doesn't make her feel any better and really kinda just pisses her off too, we are still friends- going through a tough time as friends.  Oh and if anyone here's i'm leaving OCAC because well that's the thing i do when i break up, that's a first...cuz i've neverr left OCAC because of a girl before.  I left OCAC (no i should say just church in general.. it wasn't just OCAC people it was stuff going on at the church i grew up in that was sooooooo wrong) because i was sick of hearing people talk about God and their holier than thou attitude at church when their words (refer to all this stuff about me) about other people. funny thing is you very people were the ones that were part of the reason i left.  Then you went on to never contact me and blame my then girlfriend as the reason i left.  Here's a little bulletin. Even though she wasn't a Christian, she encouraged me more to go to church than anyone else in the world.  So don't you dare put any blame on her, cuz she doesn't deserve any of the blame for me not attending.  It was my decision.  if your going to blame anyone look in the mirror at those dinners at Man's kitchen.  i a'int absolving myself of the matter.. i found myself getting caught up in the gossip and i didn't like it..so i took myself out of the situation.  In regards to Jen and I, how come other people got to talk about us behind our back without talking to us? A lot of people want to know what's going on but they get the "gossip" and don't even talk to us again.  

 

Secondly.  "If you don't know me, don't judge me, what you talking 'bout?" -that's to quote Firestar (from the group ONYX - old school hip hop).  Someone (and i a'int going to name names or nothing cuz the person or persons knows who's they are - and ppl don't ask me cuz really i a'int going to sell out anybody elses dirty laundry, that'd be doing the same thing i'm fuming about anyone thinking of wanting to play on more about this rumor or gossip should really just shut up cuz you probably don't know that persons circumstance)...which brings me to the point.. do you really know my situation? do you really know my walk? do you really know where i been? -probably not but you like to talk. not just about me but everyone.  Yo. you can keep talking 'bout me i don't care. i'm more addressing this cuz it hurts jen. i'm also addressing this cuz i hear you talk about the guys in my small group.  yo... that most definitely a'int cool.  You question my charachter and how i won't be able to achieve my goals.  What goals may i ask you do i have? What do you think i am looking to accomplish? can you respond to that (that's a rhetorical question... because the answer is..) you can't. cuz i know you've never asked. i know you don't know because of what you've said.  my goal is to do what God has planned for me. the only trick to that is ..i'm not doing anything..but allowing God to do it (you by your actions don't understand how that works).  I ask you before you judge my charachter to look at your own.  If you are such a holy and just as you claim in order to judge not only my own charachter, but from what i understand everyone elses.  How much "fruit" have you beared.  Can you say that with full confidence give a name of someone who would stick up for you right now and say... this person has helped me discover who God or would the number of people that would say that you have hurt them or discouraged them more through your words and actions. (don't need to answer that one..that's between you and your God).  For me i can say that i have beared fruit for Christ in my past, not because of anything i've done but i've allowed God to work through me and because of who He is.  Now if you want to continue to judge my charachter. Judge this ... i don't like you... i think everyone knows this it a'int even something i try to hide.  Yet i've spent the last year praying for you.  That God could work with you and for you.  So this is the point though that i've prayed over the last few weeks. In Matthew 10:12-14, it says "As you enter the home give it your greeting.  If the home is deserving let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.  If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust of your feet when you leave that home or town.  Truly I will tell you, it will be more bearable".   Now verse 15 is the hard part that i was trying to swallow more, i feel awful at knowing the consequence of living right, not because i'm holier but rather because i've lived on wrong before, and i do not live a life without consequence.  I'm done man.  If anyone talks about you whether in positive or negative i won't respond. I a'int say anything.  .

 

Don't talk about they guys in guys small group, guys who have commited themselves to learning more about Christ and how it can be manifested through there lives.  They don't complain just about school man.. they got way more balls than you by making that commitment and trying to.  Don't hate and bring people down... it's a great way to lift yourself up.  But each one of those guys is growing and making a difference in peoples lives.  I will stand up for them and i will not let anyone bring them down and make them believe they can't do anything by Christ.  None of them have to come.. they choose to come. I know they don't come for Cal or for me... maybe Cal, but the they come cuz they want to know more about who God is and how God can use them.  So don't speak of them in the negative and bash them behind their backs.  Cuz i'm standing up for each and everyone of them. I'd rather take your blows of negativity before it gets to any of them. Don't hate on them.  

 

Before you sit and indict and judge anyone whether Christian or not, look at yourself first.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in his book  The Cost of Discipleship, "The only man, who has the right to say that he is justified by grace alone is the man who has left all to follow Christ". 

 

I put all judgement in Gods hands. I am confident in the way i've lived and the way i've dealt with this situation.  Continue to slander if you wish but the only prayer is that God be the judge of either one of us.  If you a'int able to say that man, you got some serious thinking to do.  If you feel that you talking about jen and i or even judging my charachter behind my back, is ok with God, then i dare you to challenge Him to judge you on that.  Good luck.  **edit> this originally said anyone is welcome to share a comment... i felt this was wrong, this is not a guess who game and this is not to bring anoyone down.. this is addressing something said about me without knowing or understanding anything to do with my circumstances. any comments will be deleted..  If there is anything to be said about me address me. If there is anything to be said about Jen and I, really people should come to us... or stop talking.

 

My life continues and there are people that i believe deserve a greater investment of my time and my prayers. 

 

A good friend and brother gave me this quote as encouragement This is what's true, this is what's not. Have made and will make mistakes that I'm not proud of, but I stand on what is right and strive for righteousness" . I can go to sleep at night knowing that right now in my life if Christ was to return, i have done my best for Him.  I've made my mistakes, i a'int going to back down from saying that i'm perfect, i accept that AND i accept the consequence of those mistakes and the judgement that God has punished me with for those mistakes.  I live with those everyday.  He has shown grace on me though and blessed me, my life is bigger than a little church drama someone wants to start.  My life is for Christ.  In the past it hasn't been, but i know the direction i'm going.  I'm ready to die for it, if it brings glory to Him.  I believe it so much i'm giving up all my hopes, dreams and aspiriations i had to pursue it.  Not becaue i'm guilted into it but because i really want too, I understand that Christ died for me... even when i was undeserving, He doesn't owe me anything else.  If Christ did return i'm cool with all that's been said... He knows my heart and thoughts better than i know my own.

 

 

i guess mo don't need a ride. lol just found out... funny how u plan a day around something. it's all good more quiet time. gotta do some stuff tonight and extreme makeover home edition is on.

lol

 

well i haven't blogged in a while.. ok like 2 days but considering the streak i've been on.. that's a long time. lol. 

 

Friday night we had gym night at St. Anthony's and played basketball, and attempted to play soccer (so tiring)....  during basketball no one on my team wanted to cover justin who is like 6 feet and plus 200lbs probably... u'd figure the tall guy covers the tall guy ie. geoff. but neways i got the assignment.. all i got to say is all the years of playing football finally payed off and i took a lot of him trying to run through me.. sorry i threw you to the floor a few times dude. lol. 

 

Saturday we decided to go snowboarding. it kinda sucked..cuz it was probably more like downhill wakeboarding ...in a combo snow/water/slushy stuff... oy. but i needed to get one more run in and it didn't cost anything... err.... maybe my soul... feeling kinda guilty 'bout that one right now, thanks garvin for the idea. oy. j/k.... i think days like yesterday, should have been free and for every purchase i've ever made at the overpriced ski lodge... the 3 days of skiing at the other mssi resort called Jay Peak that rained two of three days... mssi and i will call it even..even though we have a Jay Peak hair dryer. lol.

-after boarding- i had a good talk with Garvin... it's always good to catch up with people and talk about where we both are at in our walks.  Talking to him i realized that i've changed a lot. One of the things that Garvin  mentioned was that for me it seems i can just let go of stuff and move on.. and i realize that, was not always the case.  I think i've changed a lot the last year and more.  I'm able to deal with a lot more things that i never thought i'd be able to deal with.  In God's hands. That took a long time to come too. I'm glad it did... went to OCAC after and was just dropping by to say hi and see what's going on lotsa "Coffee House 2006 - Out of the Box" (try to make it..it's 5pm April 1st...no fooling, 22 Eccles St.)... i'll be out of town unfortunately but i am praying for those in the event and have confidence that it'll be a fun and exciting and really God pleasing evening.  If you want to find out about who this guy called Jesus Christ is that i talk about, proffess as my saviour and what Christianity is check it out.  Elijah did some sharing and stuff... and i got the tail end, helped move some stuff after... and headed home.. 

 

gotta go now. going to drop my little bro off at his friends wake and i'm going to go do some grocery's.  mo(aka elmo aka Emmanuel..wow how we shortened his name from Emmanuel to Mo lol-he's my little brother).. seems to be doing ok. but he holds a lot of his pain inside though... different than me..little brothers gotta a lot of pride and pretty damn macho (macho man was always his favourite wrestler growing up...i was more partial to road warrior animal or the Ultimate Warrior..and Hulk Hogan..dudes a legend..what u gonna do when the hulk runs wild on you! -lol)..when we used to play wrestling, dude wouldn't cry when i threw him through chairs and tables (yah we were the kids that they have those commercials for... don't do this at home... who would have thought a lot of those submission moves would have hurt.. i dunno how fake it really is). neways i guess keep praying for him..kinda keeping a close eye on him in case. thanks guys..

 

so my little bro just got home.. one of his friends just passed away from leukemia... that took one of our aunts life.

death has always been a tuff thing for me to deal with... it's the thought of never seeing someone again i think... but these last couple years i've come to grips with it..and kinda understood it more. the thought of never seeing anyone again still gets me..but it makes me wanna live right more now.

 

mo, if u need to talk holla.  little G that passed, dunno where u were at with everything.. i hope to see you on the other side though. peace.

 

 

i get to take work home with me tonight! :P (*yuck)

i have zero clue why i'm so moody. blah.  yesterday was unproductive... i thought i'd get stuff done..but i fell asleep at like 9..woke up at 12.. and went back to sleep shortly there after. i haven't felt like eating since the mashed potato incident (refer earlier extremely negative post) ..cuz it hurt to swallow.. so maybe that's partly why i'm blah. meh..dunno.. a lot on the brain right now.. and rudolph the wonder zit isn't giving up. oy.

 

 

Coffee... wow. (this is my post from yesterday...that i forgot to post)

 

I think it's the best thing ever, yet oh so bad. Lately i haven't been able to get through a day without. at least it's only one cup a day... that's like good for guys to prevent cancer or something.

 

for the first time since last week.. i can kinda breathe normally. i guess it's getting better. 

 

meltdown at home yesterday. wow. one phone call from the parents and everyone's yelling.. can't wait till they come back... NOT. :P

it seems that my brother severely digresses till he's like 10 years old when he talks to them... it's frustrating.. cut the cord already mom.  i know they hold him back from living his life.. that sucks.. i don't want to see that happen to my little brother. the worse part is they know it and don't do anything about it. luckily he's starting to take after me.. oy. that may not be so good either. like often times they think it's cuz i think they never baby me or all that but it a'int really like that.  i a'int hating.. i just really think it's not good if they can't live their own lives and blaze their own trails.  they just scared to say anything to my mom... but talking to them i know it's what they want.

 

 

 

1)Who tagged you?

Coco Bun.. aka Benita errr.. actually Benita but i like calling her Bun-girl...

2)In what situation did you meet this person?

I met her at OCAC... i guess that's where i was first introduced... but i don't think i got to know her until skating with a bunch of people.

3)How long have you known this person for?

Just over a year

4)What is so special about this person?

um.. what a'int special about her?! (is that the right answer? lol).  She's got this quiet coolness 'bout her, and she cares a lot 'bout peoples around her. and if that a'int special enough.. she's benita, you'll understand if you've been lucky enough to have met her.  

I think that she is one of those rare very special people you meet in life, that no matter what happens you wouldn't want to change not knowing her.  She's a good friend, a good listener, someone that it's just easy to pick up a conversation with... even when we haven't talked in a while.  She's a curiosity yet so familiar.  And determined.. this girl.. when she wants to do something keeps at it till she gets good at it... refer skating and snowboarding.

6)At this moment, is there anyone you want to meet? Who?

um.... not that i can think of............

7)Favourite memory?

together with bun? hmmmm .... there's 2 that kinda stick out. I guess the first time we really chilled, she got her ears pierced, sushi and skating on the canal for like a long time that usually would feel like forever but really felt like time flew... good conversations make that happen.  The other time was when we were supposed to go skate..but the canal was too soft..so we ended up just walking around downtown all day,we walked down sparks st., ate (well ok i ate lol),  we went to see the garden inside the bank of canada my dad designed before he retired, and walked down bank st., just looking at stores and stuff... we walked a lot... it was really nice.

(ok guys don't hate me)...can i bounce the tag back? lol probably not it eh? unless someone else tags me eventually...lol.

Anna, Lil, Matt, Mel,  Jon Chiu, Jon Moe, Em, Chloë

BABY BOY! Congratulations Kimmy and Conor yo!

 

My cousin had her baby yesterday. 8lbs 9oz.  I think his name is Ryder unless there's been some last minute changes. I'll probably have pics tonight, i'll put them up!

 

Got a lot on my mind.. not so happy stuff ...stay tuned for a blog.. i think i'll call it... "Brushing dirt of my shoulder, and kick the sand off my feet" either that or "Bite Me".    You can vote if you like. lol... gotta build some readership so i thought i'd try to build the anticipation... guarnteed to be a vent and response to stuff being said about me by some ppl behind my back.  (JUICY?! ... naw... it probably won't be what u expect... or it might be.. guess you gotta read to find out hahahaha).

 

but really on brighter note... happy day. sunshining. works busy but productive. baby born. can't help but give praises and props to a Glorious God. Thanks yo! 

 

 

so i woke up today.... and it felt like it was going to be a good day!  My cousin's baby is due today!!! so just waiting to find out now...though if the baby's stubborn as her look for a long labour. lol. good luck kimmy.  crazy.

 

 

Could someone tell me something? Did yesterday really end??

 

So new layout.. still working on it.. like the pic. hahaha.

i like this blogging by email thing. it's so much easier.. i can blog from anywhere. on the bus. at work.

 

so my bad day..is continuing... it's the fall out from yesterday. my whole department is a mess at work. lol.. we're still trying to balance from yesterday. oy... and more problematic stuff happens. btw did i mention i lost my free coffee... grr....

 

i can only laugh now. cuz i think i've lost my mind... i'm kinda getting used to being under this rock.

 

so i'm kinda digging this blogging via email thing.. it'll make it really a lot easier to write stuff out... hmm i wonder if u can post pics too...

 

well today pretty much sucked... everything that could go wrong probably did for me today.  Work in the morning..the whole morning was major suck. This fantastic weather and my leather jacket get along great.  I lose my one free coffee that i've won after much Tim Hortons drinking.  Splashed by not only one truck... but two trucks.  Then finally when i get a chance to eat just coming home from work.... i burn myself... not my tounge though.. like my whole esophagus down to the middle of my chest... yes i can still feel the burn... mash potatoes in the microwave is a dangerous thing. 

 

crap crap crap crap crap... pretty much sums up my day.