"to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love"

 

So this week has been a trying week for me.  I've written a lot and i've addressed a lot, but i know i haven't fully addressed what's been on my mind.  It's funny.  Despite that super long blog a few days ago... that situation is just stupid and tiny compared to this past week.  

 

Death  - something that for the longest time i've had the most difficulty dealing with.. dealing with my grandma's, angelas, Dels, liz's, my grandfather's death...that's been the burden i used to carry on me and some of you (especically tuong) know it more so than others... as some of you know my little bros friend passed last thursday of leukemia-age 22.  Monday started off with news from my co-worker that she had gone to wake her daughter on Saturday morning and her daughter did not wake up-age 6.  As the day progressed it came across that another co-worker was involved in a big car accident..was in the hospital and his bestfriend had passed-age 29.  It's something that we never want to talk about, or don't know how to address.  It's something that numbs us when it happens and makes us realize how short it really is... we look for answers but we can't find them, especially when it's the young that past.  The craziest part is, there is no answer to the why's, it just happens.  And you have all the guilt, that it a'int you... or that you were more deserving of going... the selfishness that your the one without your best friend or grandmother, why were they taken... the confusion and frustration of just not understanding and trying to figure it all out...but somewhere after a long time of not dealing or trying to understand i figured out that trying to find an answer for it all, makes you stop living.

Life - we only got one shot on this earth. and our time here isn't a long time in the big picture... even the bible says we are just a mist in the wind in James, in the grand scheme of things.  Often times when tragedy happens whether personal (a death of a loved one) or global (9-11), we start to value life even more.  The sad part is as time goes on we forget so easily how important it is to value life and the relationships we have.  To brush off the small stuff that happens between people and really love selflessly for one another.  We live in a society that more often than not we look out for our own interests and our own desires, not to say we don't do stuff to benefit society, but most of the time it gots to fit in with our lives.  I a'int saying i'm absolved at this, damn i'm just as guilty as anyone.  I honestly don't really know what i'm saying in this blog.. i guess i'm just typing out thoughts in my head.  Jesus said that Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul, that was the greatest commandment... the second was to love your neighbour... that neighbour a'int just someone living in your own social class or someone who fits in your box.  That neighbour is the person who you pass by everyday sitting on the corner.  I guess this week i just been noticing how many lonely people there are in this city, just with the clients at my work... there's one man who comes in and he hitchhikes in, he's a former supreme court judge.. .but dudes so lost since his wife passed.  he's rich monetarily, but he searches through garbage cans.. i'm sure he's looking for something. Life is not meant to be lived alone... i guess i wanna say that i really do appreciate my friends and loved ones, i maybe don't say it... a lot of people show me love everyday and i appreciate it, i've felt it everytime i get an encouraging message or some of you that check on me.  I guess if you got friends or family you think you haven't shown love to in awhile..appreciate them now.  Life's too short to hang on to the petty... Life's too short not to live it.

 

 

Take me under, never yo... i got way to many people who got my back to let me, thanks to everyone who's been an encouragement. Alright i'm out it's late and i gotta work and off to t.dot tommorow. peace and love y'all.