"to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love"

Thankful

As i head into 2009, back at school after a 8 month hiatus, i must say i am thankful.  At the beginning of 2008 i went into a situation of uncertainty and despair about school, relationships and myself.  I was complaining a lot about 2007 stuff and focused on how a lot of things fell apart that year.  I'm not saying 2008 has been all rosey either, there were trials and failures, car accidents, cars going missing and friendships that may take a long time to recover, but that's life and it's not something to wallow in a pity party over.  

I look back at 2008 and am so thankful for all the life that happened.  I fell apart.  And i got picked up.  I lost a car (and i actually thought i misplaced it for a few days).  And i was blessed with a car.  I found out where God was calling me specifically.  I found someone who makes me want to be my age, myself and makes me a better person, to strangers and to the people i know already.  I met so many new people this year.  Made so many deep friendships, meaningful ones.  I realized i need to be more humble and less cocky.. i knew it... instead of accepting it, i hope i've been taking the steps to make it.  I learned the value of being thankful to God in what i'm doing everyday.  I got to go on vacation, for the first time since i don't know when.  I got to be on TV (and by be on TV, i look awkward on TV).  I moved to Vancouver from Calgary.  I had great fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ and not just one church family but two.  I fell in love.  I chose forgiveness.  I learned a lot about God's charachter and realized how far from it i am, and how much more i have to go. 

In thinking about this next half in my walk with God i realized in talking to Pastor Dan in July, that the first half was about cutting out the fat in my life... this half is about filing down the parts and edges.  In reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's book Cost of Discipleship recently, I found myself relating to a part in the fourth chapter.  In the passage in Mark 8:31-38, Jesus is revealing Himself as the Messiah as well as what the Messiah must go through. In verse 29 Peter has already confessed that Jesus is the Christ.  It is halfway on the road of discipleship for the disciples, yet Jesus gives them a choice again.  As Bonhoeffer puts it "When halfway along the road of discipleship, they come to another crossroads.  Once more they are left free to choose for themselves, nothing is expected of them, nothing is forced upon them.  So crucial is the present hour that the disciples must be left free to make their own choice before they are told of the law of discipleship."  I've come to a point where I've had to make a choice after my first half of schooling to go on, or whether to hang up and live a life that doesn't bear the full burden of the cross that is set out in front of me.  It is my intention to pick up that cross and carry the full burden that comes with it.  I hope that this time will prepare me for a life serving those in Africa that God has placed a burden in my heart for.  That during this half of my schooling God will fully prepare me for life or death over there.

In this new year i really hope to be less arrogant, be less cocky, be less proud.  I really hope that those that are close to me can help me with this, call me out on it, and remind me that i've asked you to do this.  I hope that i can stay focused on school... not just for schools sake but for preparation for the mission field.  I hope that i've grown up, and that i continue to.  I hope to remain thankful for the good and the bad in 2009.

posted by SilQ @ 2:21 AM