"to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love"

Faith

It's been on my mind and it's been on my heart.  It's easy in the good times to have faith in God, it's wonderful, when everything you could dream of is going your way, we praise, we solemn devote our hearts, our lives to Him and vow never to turn away or doubt.  These last months have been teaching me a lot about faith, deconstructing my perception, my heart and my every inkling of understanding of it.  A year ago i could tell you what faith meant.  But this year i can't.  Every inkling of control i have is being taken away... when one hurdle is averted, another comes along.   I'm asked constantly to not worry and be faithful, to have a greater faith.  It is tough times, it is difficult times and it is way out of my control. 

Joshua 1:6-9 says "Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. "  Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go. This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." NASB

the message version writes it just as succintly but emphasizes some points that have been hitting home a lot more clearly.

"...Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

We talk about loving God with all our hearts, all our minds, all our bodies and all our souls.  Then how come it's so easy to say it's ok if you aren't thinking about God stuff 24/7.  I don't know if we should say it if we don't mean it.  He's not asking anything from us but to trust Him.. don't look left, don't look right.... trust God.  Isn't that what Christ asked Peter to do and Peter walked on water, but Peter looked left and Peter looked right and he fell in.  I don't think God would have asked Peter if He didn't believe Peter could do it.  In all the times the apostles let Him down and when they got reprimanded by Christ it wasn't because they couldn't do it.  It was because they didn't do it.  There is a distinction.. couldn't means you are without the means... didn't means you had the means you just didn't excecute.  Christ obviously believed that His apostles could walk on water or they could stay awake and pray as he prayed in Gesthame.

And yet i stand here and i look left and right, despite the fact that i have been walking on water since i started this journey.  God is providing, and i know i have loosened my grip a lot since i started, yet i know He is asking me to totally just let go and let Him be the one that grips.  I look left, my tuition wasn't being paid totally.  I look right, unexpected and planned expenses came up this term like paying rent and medication when i got sick and emergency travel costs.  Yet i stand at the cusp of a new semester thinking i don't know how everything is going to get paid this semester. My parents are preparing to go on missions in less than a week and our furnace broke a cost of 4G's they need to get fixed and the car's power steering is leaking, don't even know how much.   This on the cusp of their worry about me and how i'm going to afford to pay for school.  Getting off the phone with them i didn't know much else to say but to tell my mom to focus on the mission... focus on what God has called them to do and to trust God.  I realize also that i haven't been so good at following that advice myself.  Joshua 1:1-9 was given as a blessing to my family when i was born, my dad just told me when i blessed Him with this verse just now.  It's been a verse that has kept me going in the hardest times this semester.  It is one that is not just an option or a suggestiong but really a command from God... Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. 

This is a personal reflection on my situation right now, how the Holy Spirit is moving me to write this... i hope that it can be an encouragement to anyone who reads this... it's not about faith in the good times... it's not about understanding faith... it's not about anything other than letting go and letting God.  It's like when i went up to the CN tower i was scared of heights, ever since i've been ok with heights.  So here i am letting go, i don't think i'm so scared to fall no more.

You called me to walk this path, and i will follow you to the ends of the earth, with all of my heart, my mind, my body and my soul, and you commanded me to be strong and corageous from the time i was less than a year.  So that's what i'll do, please remind me.  In Jesus, given to us by the Father through the Holy Spirit i pray, amen.

posted by SilQ @ 12:56 AM