"to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love"

Desert Stories

Not totally what i expected to write after thanksgiving.  The weekend was amazing.  It was a time where i left the desert and it felt like i returned to civilization, to somewhere which felt like home.

During this time i got a taste of how much i've grown after a month.  I think i am understanding things a lot clearer, learning about love, compassion, joy, humility, serving.  I think i'm experiencing love, compassion, joy, humility, serving with greater intensity than ever before.  Calgary is my desert.  It is not a bad city, or boring but it is secluded for me.  It is quiet and it is a slower lifestyle.  I am not without support, Terence has been an incredible roommate, the brothers and sisters at CTS and SCCEFC have been great and most importantly my dear Anna, despite our distance, has held my hand.  Yet this time has been difficult too... for me it has been a radical change, i do have a beautiful place to live and i have yet to go a day hungry... God has provided... yet i know those are not things that i would struggle with (--come on everyone knows i could lose a little weight).  Rather the distance from the relationships (Anna, my family, my friends), the social interaction, just knowing everybody and everything and where to go...familiarity.  I was reading this story tonight, it's a story from the desert... we've been learning these in my personal formation class....

It was said of Abba Arsenius that once when he was at Scetis, the priest came to take him to church and put him on a bed with a small pillow under his head. Now behold an old man who was coming to see him, saw him lying on a bed with a little pillow under his head and he was shocked and said, 'Is this really Abba Arsenius, this man lying down like this?' Then the priest took him aside and said to him, 'In the village where you lived, what was your trade?' 'I was a shepherd,' he replied. 'And how did you live?' 'I had a very hard life.' Then the priest said, 'And how do you live in your cell now?' The other replied, 'I am more comfortable.' Then he said to him, 'Do you see this Abba Arsenius? When he was in the world he was the father of the emperor, surrounded by thousands of slaves with golden girdles, all wearing collars of gold and garments of silk. Beneath him were spread rich coverings. While you were in the world as a shepherd you did not enjoy even the comforts you now have but he no longer enjoys the delicate life he led in the world. So you are comforted while he is afflicted.' At these words the old man was filled with compunction and prostrated himself saying, 'Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. Truly the way this man follows is the way of truth, for it leads to humility, while mine leads to comfort.' So the old man withdrew, edified

I was already planning to write this blog before i read this story, and it just seemed appropriate.  The desert stories, are from the 4th century and 5th century, monastic culture... people who left the world to live away to understand God more.  They are the forefathers of my faith.  The lessons and experiences they learned in this time can still be understood today and challenge thinking.  I am in my desert.  I am facing the dark cold of night.  I am dry.  I am uncomfortable.  I am tired.  I am learning to listen.  I am learning to be obedient.  The Israelites wandered for 40 years in the desert.  Near the end of their time there, Moses and Aaron were petitioned by them to provide them water.  God told them specifically what to do to get water from a rock.  They did it.  But they didn't obey God totally, after 40 years in the desert, Moses took credit for himself... the people still got their water, to the people of Israel, they were successful... in the eyes of God they were not.  Moses and Aaron did not enter the land promised to the Israelites.  Many times in the 40+ years they were obedient.  That one time they were not.  I've flirted with the world, i've said to God much about what I want to do, knowing what he wants me to do.  It's by God's grace and God's grace alone i am where i am now.  It is by His grace that i am in the desert learning more about Him.  I do get discouraged.  I do find it hard to study.  I am often lonely.  I am often tired.  I am spiritually dry.  I ache.  I miss.  I get frustrated. I pray and have faith in God to give me strength to do well for Him.  I have not been all successful and without my own struggles in my time here in Calgary.  Yet God has taken me this far and i have to keep it all together, i've been obedient this far, i gotta keep going.  Living the lessons from the Desert Stories, in the dark night of my soul.  How Great is my God.

posted by SilQ @ 2:01 AM