"to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love"

 

 

tis·sue (tsh ) n.

 

 

I'm sitting here thinking about scar tissue.  I have this knee which is scarred by so much damage i've done to it both in my teens and most recently 2 years ago.  There's this big scar that runs across the top of it, right over the knee cap.  I don't know if anybody has a scar or not, especially in an area like your knee, elbow, ankle, shoulder, hip or ankle (more elastic places on your body), but when it's about to rain, or a storm front wants to break for a few days do you ever get discomfort and pain.  That when it's going to rain, if i poke at it the nerves just really cause it sting.

 

In the March 4, 2006 edition of New Scientist magazine, page 97, issue 2541. This was printed. "The human body can be viewed schematically as a clump of gelatin-filled balloons mounted on a stick. Undamaged tissue - be it fat, muscle, or bone - is relatively elastic and will expand and contract when subjected to changes in atmospheric pressure. Scar tissue, in contrast, is very stiff and dense, and does not expand or contract appreciably within the range of normal atmospheric fluctuation.

 

Scar tissue is what's left after your wounds have healed.  I often say that i have made bad choices in my life, that have left me with scars on my heart.  I use that term appropriately because those scars of the heart, though the wound have healed also present the same quality that scar tissue does on your physical body.  During stormy weather or rain showers, it's just that much more sensitive, touch it and all the pain can come back in an instant. 

 

My little brother is going through some stuff right now, and i've been where he is, angry and confused.  I've asked the same questions that he's been through with the loss of his friend recently.  I carry that scar.  I questioned God time and time again over it.  I carry that scar.  Often times i see what my parents do and say they do but i don't see them do it with us. They have this cookie cutter idea of what Christianity is about and if we don't do it there way it's wrong.  It's not uncommon in our church or our parents generation.  This only pushes and distracts away from Christ. I carry that scar.  I've been very patient with my little brother, over the last few months he's grown, even starting to show signs he may want to go back to church.  I woke up this morning, my spirit troubled by the feeling that something was going to happen, an ache a pain, scarring before a storm? Moments later angry words erupted downstairs.  In 5 minutes, words were exchanged and the action of my brother to my parents was to say "well i don't need this.", as he threw his bible out the door.  I ran after it, i cried and blew up at my parents.  My mother claims it isn't her responsibility.  She says we all make our own choices.  There is no way that the responsibility can be shrugged off by them.  I am responsible and my older brother is responsible, this is my brother.  I'm sorry mom and dad but to be real with you, you can go off and do missions and bring the message of deliverance to 1000 people.  But today was wrong.  I carry those scars too.  There's no way i can justify losing my little brother and take no accountability for it.   

 

Why am i going back to school?  Why do i want to do what i want to do?  I want to pursue who God wants me to be, relentlessly.  I want to magnify Christ not only in my life but when the day God calls me home to Him.  I see a lot of people i grew up with, not wanting to even go to church, disgusted by it. I've been there, you wanna see the scar? I know people who just go because there's an expectation there of them to go by their parents, or even expectations of an image they've created for themselves.  There is no cookie cutter formula of how a Christian should act or speak, what clothes they should wear, what type of music they should listen to.  Come as you are, Christ made you ... praise Him with the abilities he gave you, if it's HipHop music, Country, Alternative or Polka, praise Him with that.  If it's a paint brush, pencils, spray paint or crayons, praise Him with that.  If it's poems, books, reading, speaking or making funny noises, praise Him with that.   

 

Yah i've made mistakes, i have the scars to prove.  When the storm comes it aches.  When you touch it, it hurts.  It's the scars i carry.  But i bow at the foot of the cross... that's where my burdens go, that's where i cry, that's where i don't let the past control my present or future and that's where i find my strength to keep walking.

 

 

Peace