"to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love"

I'm Sorry

I sat down today.. I'm talking to my ex. She's telling me how I lied to her. I did. Over the last two years I hid who I was from her. She tells me I changed over the two years, and I did. I lost me. I was so in love with her that I changed myself.. And I denied the one thing that was most important to me from her, because I was scared that I'd lose her over it. In the end ... I had nothing...And I lost her over it.. Our relationship got worse and worse... And it finally ended, but not before there were/are a lot of scars on both sides. My God.. who was my everything, who gave everything for me... and i turned away from Him. WTF? I finally told her that she didn't fall in love with me two years ago.. she fell in love with Christ in my life... I chose wrong. I'm sorry to her. but i'm even more sorry to Christ. How messed is that? He gave up his LIFE for ME! and i can't submit to him and do what He wants with my life. 'No God i can't tell her about you... cuz i'll lose her' and in the end after all thats said and done, my name a'int silq no more its loser, cuz i lost her and i lost my relationship with God... i know what it's like to lose everything. I don't ever want to do that again.. i missed that old Aaron.. the one that wanted to do everything for God. So i'm submitting. I quit to try to control everything in my life, i should be me. I'm scared cuz i don't have control.. i don't like.. because i'm doubtful.. i'm a big chicken. i don't want to be like that no more. God i'm broken. I have nothing... so i dropped to my knees again and i'm telling you take over..everything... i just want to trust you. for everyone out there who knows God.. i want you to hold me accountable. 'do you know what ur getting into?'... i do. Tuong i'm sorry i didn't give you all of me, and i hid from you the biggest part of me...i did love you more than anything (and it shouldn't be like that..i should have been i love with God first, though i know u might not understand that..but i never gave u the chance too..i hope you can forgive me). God, I'm sorry for EVERYTHING, i'm sorry i didn't put you first, i'm sorry i didn't trust you... please don't let me get lost again, i can't live my life like that again and please help tuong..its not her fault that i screwed up. I love you God. I'm sorry.

posted by SilQ @ 6:59 PM