7.15.2002

(this is from three weeks ago.. i just didn't finish and post it)
So this blogging thing a'int going as great as i thought it would when i initially stared it. Sorry, i get lazy.

"Life I wonder... will it take me under? ... never that"Nas

On to the blog... this one's kinda for a friend, who's tryin' really hard to vibe with God...(kinda had some hurdles) and for myself too.. and probably others.

Rubin "Hurricane" Carter dude was a boxer, Denzel played him in a movie, yo Bob Dylan even wrote a song about him. His stories like this, he was a boxer who got thrown in jail for 19 years on charges of murder that weren't true. Guy spent 19 years in jail for something he didn't do. During that time there were a group of people who believed in his innocence... and attempted to challenge the legal system, but they constantly met dissapointment. Think how Carter must have felt, you got this little bit of hope and constantly gettting dashed... eventually he wrote to those who sought to free him, "Please find it in you hearts not to weaken me with your love". He'd gotten to the point where he thought i'm stuck in this prison now, i'm never gonna get out.. so fine, i'm gonna toughen myself up to make it through.. i gotta reject the people who showing me love freely, cuz it's gonna make me weak. Carter decided that the love that was being shown to him would somehow make him weaker.

This story was in my devo's today, it made me think a lot about stuff... like when i wasn't with God, it was kinda like 'man how can God want someone like me?' i'd kinda built this prison around me and was kinda looking for a way out and everytime i'd get close something would happen and the hope that i'd be able to get out of it, was dashed and i'd be at square one. So i got to the point where i just said .. 'God i don't want your love, cuz i'm stuck here.. i keep getting setbacks and it's just hurting me more... your love is hurting me.' See i don't know if i'm the only one who's felt this way but i'm sure others have. Soooo what am i saying, well my devo's today were on 2 Corinthians 5:16-6:2.

In 2 Corinthian's 6:1 kinda stuck out for me.. New King James Version "We then, as workers together with Him also plead with you not to receive the grace of God in vain." In Patrick Morley's book "Coming back to God" he says about this passage "The Christian system is rooted in God's love for you. If you proceed, He'll weaken you with his love, lovingly prying your hands off the system that's failing you" The concept of doing something that will make you weaker sounds crazy, but it's something that as Christians we must really submit too. God makes us weaker to humble us, God tears us down to rebuild us. The thing is it's soooooo easy to forget what our goal is, to become a people of integrity, when everything in our lives seem to crash down around us, i was feeling a lot like that since the end of April, 'specially with school and what not getting kinda messed up. It's really hard to keep going when everything don't seems to be right, we know that we gotta keep going but it's so hard that we feel like giving up, hanging up our boots. Max Lucado's one of my favourite Christian writers, in his book "In the Eye of the Storm" he offers encouragement:

'It's not easy for us to see a city we've never seen, either, especially when the road is bumpy... the hour is late... and companions are wanting to cancel the trip and ake up residence in a motel. It's not easy to fix our eyes on what is unseen. But it is necessary...

For some of you, the journey has been long. Very long and stormy. In no way do I wish to minimize the difficulties that you have had to face along the way...

And you are tired

It's hard for you to see the City in the midst of the storms. The desire to pull over the side of the road and get out entices you. You want to go on, but some days the road seems so long.

Let me encourage you... It's worth it'

posted by SilQ @ 1:03 AM

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