"to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love"

4.01.2012

.:messy:::genesis1:1-2:.

i don't think anyone likes a mess. we may live around it as teenagers or in our twenties, but generally we prefer a lack of mess. we want things ordered because it helps us to see what's next, it helps us make sense of a world we often feel is a messed, it helps stay in control. we even claim God likes order, and i'm not going to disagree with that... but as i have been reflecting, maybe, just maybe God likes messy too.

in genesis 1:1-2 God creates.

"...the spirit of God was hovering over the waters" (v2)

in one of the translations, "hovering over the waters" is referred to as chaos. the hebrew word is tohu vavohu which means "the emptiness of darkness". it sounds pretty messy to me. so we could read it, the spirit of God was hovering over the mess. the thing is I don't know if God's priority is to order this mess... this chaos... this emptiness of darkness. if we go back to verse 1 we see Gods purpose, He creates.

i don't see God picking things up and putting them into place in this story in genesis 1, order happens, but it's a byproduct. i see God create out of the mess. i remember as a kid, I had this blue plastic box. i kept all my legos in it. i would dump all my pieces on the ground, out of this blue box and as it hit the rolled out carpet of our unfinished basement townhouse, each piece landed at will with no purpose to where it would go a mess. as I hovered over it i took each piece and put them together, without order in mind but rather to create. from the mess to imagination to creation.

messy. ever do we get frustrated with mess. our world is messy. our jobs are messy. our relationships are messy. our lives are messy. other peoples lives are messy. our church is messy. our past is messy. our present is messy. our future might look messy.

God uses messy.

look at those stories of the people who would be those who we look to in the bible. abraham, jacob, joseph, moses, all of israel, david's choices, ruth, hosea and gomer, jeremiah, job, jonah, 12 disciples, a young betrothed virgin girl named mary, an unsuspecting carpenter named joseph, a persecutor of christians named paul ...all messy.

God creates out of messy, for his purpose.

when we encounter messes...in our lives, in the people we meet, in the church, in our work or schools... rather than try to fix them, maybe we should start asking God... "Lord, may Your spirit hover over the mess (tohu vavohu) i see before my eyes, and may you speak into it, and create out of it, for your purpose."

a.j. swoboda writes... "christianity offers us brilliant insight into messes. that maybe death is no more than the sunset of hopelessness, and resurrection the sunrise of hope. we call this God's kingdom."

.:aaron.chuah::march.30.2012:.

11.09.2009

Timothy Kellar writes, "In every case where Jesus meets a religious person and a sexual outcast (luke 7), a religious person and a racial outcast (john 3-4) or a religious person and a political outcast (luke 19), the outcast is the one who connects with Jesus and the religious one does not.... Jesus's teachings consistently attracted the irreligous while offending the bible-believing, religious people of his day. However, in the main, our churches today do not have this effect. The kind of outsiders Jesus attracted are not attracted to contemporary churches, even our most avant-garde ones. We tend to draw conservative buttoned-down, moralistic people. The licentious and liberated or the broken and marginal avoid church. That can only mean one thing. If the preaching of our ministers and the practice of our parishioners do not have the same effect on people that Jesus had then we must not be declaring the same message that Jesus did.."

i wonder how you feel reading this? i read it and i wonder if it's not right when we look at a huge number of people who have left the church and the easier way is to put the onus of responsibility on them for leaving. maybe they just can't understand how the church can preach the gospel and say that we are a reflection of Jesus Christ but when they read the gospels and when they see what Jesus did for people that didn't belong, they wonder why everyone acts like the older brother in the story about the father and two sons. i know there's two sides of the coin, i've been on both. i know this is why i left and i know that part of it was on me... and i know from meeting people in places like clubs, at work, at concerts and travelling across the country the last few years that have left the church that yes it is their choice to leave, but there's another part that isn't their choice. Maybe we aren't preaching in our churches the same message Jesus had, what's your take?

8.05.2009

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.

I want to free what waits within me

so that what no one has dared to wish for

may for once spring clear

without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,

but this is what I need to say.

May what I do flow from me like a river,

no forcing and no holding back,

the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,

these deepening tides moving out, returning,

I will sing you as no one ever has,

streaming through widening channels

into the open sea.

I'm too alone in the world, yet not alone enough

to make each hour holy.

I'm too small in the world, yet no small enough

to be simply in your presence, like a thing -

just as it is.

I want to know my own will

and to move with it.

And I want, in the hushed moments

when the nameless draws near,

to be among the wise ones-

or alone.

I want to mirror your immensity.

I want never to be too weak or too old

to bear the heavy, lurching image of you.

I want to unfold.

Let no place in me hold itself closed,

for where I am closed, I am false.

I want to stay clear in your sight.

I would describe myself

like a landscape I've studied

at lenght, in detail;

like a word I'm coming to understand;

like a pitcher I pour from at mealtime;

like my mother's face;

like a ship that carried me

when the waters raged.

by Rainer Maria Rilke "Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God"

5.28.2009

"I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I'm telling you to live in it. Not just endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it." - Joan Didion

3.22.2009

Mercy versus Justice

Your walking through the woods, and come upon a river. Suddenly you see someone trying to swim out of the river... you go and rescue them... another person comes by and you again rescue them.... more people are coming and you rescue them... this is mercy.
Justice follows the river and finds out who is throwing these people in the river.

What does social justice mean or are we doing social mercy? I don't discount that mercy ain't important. It is, but isn't justice equally or more important? Do we look for just cures to fix the symptoms, or do we look for cures to fix the disease?

I guess lately i've been wondering what i'm going to do or want to do when i'm overseas, or what i'm even doing in life right now... am i just being merciful? or am i also standing up for justice in this world?

1.10.2009

Thankful

As i head into 2009, back at school after a 8 month hiatus, i must say i am thankful. At the beginning of 2008 i went into a situation of uncertainty and despair about school, relationships and myself. I was complaining a lot about 2007 stuff and focused on how a lot of things fell apart that year. I'm not saying 2008 has been all rosey either, there were trials and failures, car accidents, cars going missing and friendships that may take a long time to recover, but that's life and it's not something to wallow in a pity party over.

I look back at 2008 and am so thankful for all the life that happened. I fell apart. And i got picked up. I lost a car (and i actually thought i misplaced it for a few days). And i was blessed with a car. I found out where God was calling me specifically. I found someone who makes me want to be my age, myself and makes me a better person, to strangers and to the people i know already. I met so many new people this year. Made so many deep friendships, meaningful ones. I realized i need to be more humble and less cocky.. i knew it... instead of accepting it, i hope i've been taking the steps to make it. I learned the value of being thankful to God in what i'm doing everyday. I got to go on vacation, for the first time since i don't know when. I got to be on TV (and by be on TV, i look awkward on TV). I moved to Vancouver from Calgary. I had great fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ and not just one church family but two. I fell in love. I chose forgiveness. I learned a lot about God's charachter and realized how far from it i am, and how much more i have to go.

In thinking about this next half in my walk with God i realized in talking to Pastor Dan in July, that the first half was about cutting out the fat in my life... this half is about filing down the parts and edges. In reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's book Cost of Discipleship recently, I found myself relating to a part in the fourth chapter. In the passage in Mark 8:31-38, Jesus is revealing Himself as the Messiah as well as what the Messiah must go through. In verse 29 Peter has already confessed that Jesus is the Christ. It is halfway on the road of discipleship for the disciples, yet Jesus gives them a choice again. As Bonhoeffer puts it "When halfway along the road of discipleship, they come to another crossroads. Once more they are left free to choose for themselves, nothing is expected of them, nothing is forced upon them. So crucial is the present hour that the disciples must be left free to make their own choice before they are told of the law of discipleship." I've come to a point where I've had to make a choice after my first half of schooling to go on, or whether to hang up and live a life that doesn't bear the full burden of the cross that is set out in front of me. It is my intention to pick up that cross and carry the full burden that comes with it. I hope that this time will prepare me for a life serving those in Africa that God has placed a burden in my heart for. That during this half of my schooling God will fully prepare me for life or death over there.

In this new year i really hope to be less arrogant, be less cocky, be less proud. I really hope that those that are close to me can help me with this, call me out on it, and remind me that i've asked you to do this. I hope that i can stay focused on school... not just for schools sake but for preparation for the mission field. I hope that i've grown up, and that i continue to. I hope to remain thankful for the good and the bad in 2009.

11.15.2008

To One Who's Heart Broke (Destiny) - written oct.1

there's something about how the heart view's words,
that make you see the sights understood by birds,
where letters put together in iambic time,
or words sought out together rhyme.

where hearts break, after joy comes sorrow,
and tears dawn makes of hope tomorrow.
where the folly of man's choices, meets fate's strings,
and in her voice, we listen as Wisdom she sings.

to live behind we can hope to break through,
and come about with regret new.
not until the end will we know if right the choice,
for in this life to seek God's voice.

6.15.2008

I Lie

verse 1
she said hello goodbye to yesterday,
she ran away so far she's gone away,
can't find the words, she try's, she's looking for.
it's left behind, too far, her heart on the floor...

prechorus
cry yourself to sleep,
tommorw you'll have it beat
wish for dreams to keep
you standing on your feet...

chorus
i don't wanna say goodbye
but everytime i say i cry
so much of my heart we tried
but anymore i lie.

verse 2
he said hello goodbye to yesterday
he tried to find the words she wants him to say
inside, outside, searching for a way and more
it's left behind, too far, his heart behind door..

prechorus 2
cry yourself to sleep
dream of angels there to keep
hope for chance to meet
you standing on your feet

chorus 2
i don't wanna say goodbye
and everytime i say i cry
i know my heart so much i tried
and anymore i lie."

4.21.2008

Gathering Thoughts

I don't know where my life has gotten to. I don't know sometimes how i make it through a day. I question my own abilities and I question my own abilities and my own choices i've made the last few years. I don't doubt my calling, I doubt whether or not I am doing enough to follow it. I know there are times i struggle with it, and maybe all the difficulties the last few years have stemmed out of that. I know that God has afforded me grace, and i don't know if I can keep going. There are only a few days left for me to finish off this semester and i don't know if i'll finish off well. I truly am beat up by this process. The straw that broke this camel's proverbial back happened about a month ago... and i don't think i've recovered. I'm a shell of who i was and i don't really know who i am. I've been sick and i've been healed. I've been poor and i've been given what's needed. I've had what little i have been taken away and i've been blessed with so much. I've had so much sorrow and experienced so much joy. There has been a lot of rain and there has been sunshine. I feel like a yo yo and it's been tiring trying to live in grace everyday. but i guess everyday is grace.

why do i do this? am i making a difference in the world? i look around at the world and sometimes i don't feel like i'm bringing the kingdom of God to the world by going to school here... i don't feel like i'm even making an impact on anyone. Maybe that's my question of why i'm here or not... the suffering is only worth it, not for the benefit of my own character building... that doesn't matter to me. The suffering is only worth it if it brings glory to God... if it brings even the smallest piece of the kingdom of God to those around me. It's never really about me... maybe that's why i never get an answer that suits me when i complain (and i do complain a lot) about everything. I'm sick of hearing that it's building character, it might comfort others but i don't care so much about the benefit for myself as i do about the impact that i have in helping people just be better, to feel loved and experience something bigger than anything on this earth or the stars in the sky. Just some thoughts of my heart... don't know what else to think... it's a mess in my head and it's a mess in my heart.

4.10.2008

I Heart Revolution

"And this is what will decide whether we're a part of generation of hype and good intentions - who sung the songs and talked about making a difference but with little action.. Or whether we can truly say we were a part of global revolution.. A movement of passionate people who laid down our own personal agendas for the good of others and the cause of Christ.." - Joel Houston

We are called to be disciples of Christ. It's not just about going to church. It's about being the church. It's not just about preaching the word of God to the world. It's about living the word of God out to the world. It's not about serving ourselves. It's about serving others. It's not about how much we make. It's how much we give. It's not about how much is too much without causing us or our loved ones to suffer. It's how much we'll suffer to alleviate another's suffering.

"The way you treat people, the way you live, and the music you make are all conversations with God. Broaden your idea of what prayer can be." -Talib Kwelli

Let our lives be a prayer, and not just words.